Life Out of Death

At Faithgroup (our small group from our church) back in early February, we waited on the Lord and asked Him to speak to us about what He's going to do and how He wants to begin to change our hearts at World Mandate (annual missions conference) that coming weekend. Sometimes I hear a little from the Lord...small words of affirmation and comfort like, "I love you"...and sometimes I hear more. That night, I heard a lot and in light of our recent PREGNANCY, I thought this was pretty significant...especially since I was only about a week pregnant at that point and had no idea...here's what He said to me:

"I am birthing something NEW in you - new life, new depth. Life will come out of death and through it, I will bring you to a new level with Me. New levels of obedience, higher callings - this is what I'm inviting you to. You will depend on Me in the coming months for they will be very difficult - life out of death - but I will be with you and very near to you. Do not be afraid, but embrace this new time, this new season, this new level of abandonment. Jump, my child, and I will catch you. Abandonment. No fear. I am WITH YOU."

WHOA was about all I could say afterwards. Life out of DEATH - what the heck does that mean for me? I started getting scared! But then I remembered the numerous reminders of how God always brings life out of death - leaves falling off of trees during winter and new ones emerging in the spring; a caterpillar goes into a cocoon (extended darkness) to become a butterfly; a wife who lovingly serves her husband brings life to her marriage; a woman giving up her body to birth a child; a father working long hours to support his family; and the most important: Christ dying on the cross and being raised again so that we might have True Life. And notice that these are all willing deaths...these are not decisions made selfishly or fearfully, but decisions made because something better waits on the other side.

Life out of death - this is what the Lord is doing in me during this season. Pregnancy is not only happening to me physically, but it is a picture of what is happening to me spiritually...a willing death. As this baby grows in the night of my womb, so new life is forming in the dark places of my soul. As I give my body to this baby, reject my ideals of always being skinny and my fears of what I'll look like afterwards, so I am relinquishing my old ways of thinking, my old fears of abandonment that have too long stood firm.

Watch...and Wait...and See...New life is emerging...

P.S. Read my friend Christine's blog for more on this subject!

the butterfly is already becoming

chrysalis
Originally uploaded by pcrispin

I have wanted to go to Africa for as long as I can remember. This summer, that dream was fulfulled when I went on a mission trip to Blantyre, Malawi. And although I learned many things and had an amazing experience, I did not feel any sort of great or dramatic change within myself...and was in fact, disappointed. I had prayed and prayed for this remarkable change, complete healing of my heart and the re-discovery of my True Self. So when this didn't happen like I expected, I was frustrated and somewhat disillusioned with my life-long dream. Yet, things are never what they seem...

I began to pray...and thankfully, God spoke...

I "randomly" came upon a book in the bookstore called When the Heart Waits, by Sue Monk Kidd. In the first chapter, she tells about her experience of coming upon a cocoon and how the rememberance of a certain childhood story accurately described her current situation...

Yellow, a caterpillar in Trina Paulus's book Hope for the Flowers, saw another caterpillar spinning a cocoon and asked, "If I decide to become a butterfly...what do I do?"
"Watch me, " came the reply. "I'm making a cocoon. It looks like I'm hiding, I know, but a cocoon is no escape. It's an in-between house where the change takes place...During the change, it will seem...that nothing is happening, but the butterfly is already becoming. It just takes time."

I love how God speaks to me in ways that relate uniquely with my soul, my personality...He speaks to me in books...and I knew that God was saying, "You too have entered the chrysalis. And even though you do not sense the change, the butterfly is already becoming. It just takes time...so trust me and rest in MY timing for your shaping, growing and revelation."

So, like Kidd, I pray I am able to embrace and even rest in the cocoon with courage and endurance...that I will trust the change that is happening, even though I cannot see.